Life Keeps Changing!

 

Resilience.  12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

I have heard that life is what happens when you have other plans.  I believe this is true.  I would never have guessed some of the things that have happened for me lately.

 After the Rain.  12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

 Up on the Ridge.  12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

First there was the five weeks I spent in Why, Arizona, with my boyfriend Steve.  I had planned to only work on eBay while I was there.  I had been invited to participate in a local artists exhibit at Grapes Gallery in Truth or Consequences for April and May, but I thought I would put off doing any of the artwork for this show until I returned to New Mexico, after my visit to Arizona.

Sensory Overload at the Annual Dahlia Show.  12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

 Dream Garden.  12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

However, I found my time in Why to be so relaxing and inspiring that I changed my mind.  When Steve was going into Tucson for a couple of days, I went with him and bought canvases, acrylics and brushes, and painted for the rest of my visit.

 What I Remember of the 80s, Minus the Mullets and Muscle Pants.  

12 x 12 in, acrylic on canvas

I'm happy with my paintings.  They are the first pure paintings (without being mixed media) that I have done in a while.  I liked working with the smaller canvas size and the square shape of the canvas.  Today I will get the wires on the back so they can be hung tomorrow.

When I got home, I also pulled this mixed media piece out of my storage room.  It's one I haven't shown anywhere yet.  I had sort of a love-hate relationship with it, but I like it better now that I've given the alligator teeth:

 

 Florida.  16 x 20 in, mixed media

So...for the past several months, I've been musing about how I could maintain a presence here in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, where I'm having some success as an artist, and also be able to afford to travel several months of the year.  How could I leave during the hottest part of the summer and the coldest part of the winter, and still pay rent on an apartment, while incurring travel expenses?  

Steve and I discussed lots of possibilities and finally decided it made the most sense for me to buy a larger RV, one that I could live in during my stays in TorC and could also use for my travels.  The Guppy, a 22ft 1982 Toyota Dolphin mini-motorhome, was great for when it was just me and the neurotic cat driving around the southern part of the United States, looking for where I was going to settle down.  But it didn't give me room to spread out, and my life has grown.  Now I do lots of artwork, in addition to selling on eBay.  I also like to sew and do various crafts.  And I have a relationship with a guy who enjoys travel as much if not more than I do.  

So immediately upon my return to TorC a little over a week ago, I began seriously looking for a larger rig.  And I found one right away, up in Mesa, Arizona.  So I had barely caught my breath when it was time for me to turn around and go back to Arizona.  I bought a 1991 35-foot Class A Holiday Rambler Imperial motorhome, in excellent condition.  As a tribute to the Guppy, I named the new rig the Beluga.  Thar she blows:

 

She is magnificent inside and out, having been well cared for by the original owner for about 20 years.  I bought her from the second owner, who'd had her only about a year.  Here are some interior shots:

 
So next begins the process of downsizing, something I've been through before.  I've lived in my apartment for about a year and have acquired some furniture that has to go.  I have to sell my beloved Guppy.  I will basically have to go through everything I own (again!) and determine what goes with me into the next phase of my life.

Steve is keeping Bel (short for the Beluga) over at his place in Arizona for about a month.  When it gets really hot over there, he'll move into the motorhome and bring her over here to New Mexico, and I'll move in, too.  We'll probably stay here in TorC for May and perhaps part of June, then head off somewhere cooler when the temps reach 100 degrees or so here.  

At least that's the plan for now!  Given life's tendency to drift in directions other than what I've planned, we'll just have to wait and see.

    

    

Semi-Ambulatory, Soporific and Sophistical

Me, not using a cane or other assistive walking device

It's five days since my arthroscopic knee surgery and I am walking some of the time. I only had to use a walker for one day, then a cane for another day, and after that I did not need to lean on anything.

I did, however, overdo it the past two days. On Sunday I walked a block-and-a-half to Black Cat Books and Coffee and then got a ride home, but it was too late. I'd already overdone it. So I spent the rest of the day asleep and had to resort to taking a pain pill in the evening again, after having gone all day without.

Did I learn from this? No! I was sure yesterday would be better, so I walked not only to Black Cat, but also a few more blocks to the Post Office and then home again. After all, if a block-and-a-half is too far, what more harm can I do myself by walking eight blocks? Hmm. Quite a bit, it seems. My knee got swollen up and sore, and I had to take pain medication in the afternoon and at bedtime.

Today is a new day. No walks for me. I am staying at home all day. This is hard. I'm a social person. I like my routines, especially the ones I've developed here in TorC. I want to get back to those days when I could just hop on my bike and fly over to the Post Office and then breeze downhill to the thrift store to see what old thing is new. But such whims and impulses require good knees.

My left knee

There's no way to take a pretty picture of your own knee. But this photo shows that the surgery left me with just three little holes and some swelling.

Being housebound leaves me with whims and impulses that occur only in my mind--such a dangerous place to spend time alone. But it's also given me time to think through some lingering unsettledness about my past. (Yes, I am making up words now...this is what happens when I'm home alone.) I've come to understand some things about my childhood, my young adult years, and the 20 years I spent in a sad marriage. I'm appreciating that I've come out of all of this as a person who is pretty good inside and out--loving, caring, kind and increasingly respectful of myself and others. And I'm letting go of regrets over the years I wasted as a drunk and as an unappreciated spouse. Maybe I needed two decades of active addiction and another two decades of being sober but unhappy in order to be exactly where I am today--a happy, sober woman with a peaceful life, who only needs to let her knee heal a bit so she can once again zoom around on her bicycle.

Smiling Steve

My boyfriend Steve and I have started talking about all sorts of new adventures that we might share. He is a free spirit. We have both been in TorC only a short time and we both love it here, but the road is beginning to whisper in our ears again. I see this as a time to rest and regroup, but I'm getting ready to redeploy. Probably not on a long-term basis, but from time to time, using TorC as my home base. I've thought of starting a teaching art studio here, but it isn't the time for me to be that tied down. I am a youngster of 56 and still have a lot to see and do, especially now that I've finally learned how to live one day at a time.

Sonja in the doorway, enjoying the inside and outside at once

My cat is a good teacher of living in the moment. This morning I watched her intensely pursue a ball in the courtyard, but then, while crouching to attack it, she discovered some tasty grass to chew on and she relaxed and forgot the ball. That's kind of the way I am with this idea I have about starting a little art school. It's a great idea. I may pursue it sometime. I may have other things to do first.

For now, I'm Snoozy Suzy, and I'm off for the first siesta of the day.

Heading Back West on Monday

Collage created by blog reader Bandit when I finally got out of San Francisco
after the prolonged engine fiasco

Serenbe, Palmetto, Georgia

This will be a blog post that has only random pictures of flowers and such, because I can't really show you pictures of the places I haven't been yet.

In one of my recent posts, I shared that I would be moving to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. At that time, I figured on going to New Mexico in the fall or winter, when I'd want to seek warmer weather. I also planned on spending the summer up in the Midwest with family and friends.

However, on consideration, I've decided to go to New Mexico as soon as I'm done housesitting here in Georgia this weekend The reasons are varied, but mostly it comes down to two things that I can discuss publicly. First, my travels having cost me more money than I expected, due largely to needing an engine replacement in San Francisco. To continue to wander about, spending money on gas and places to stay, simply doesn't feel right until I get my slate clean again.

Second, I'm ready to settle down in a community again. This surprised the heck out of me. All my adult life, I've dreamed of getting into a little motorhome and meandering indefinitely. To some extent, that's what I've done on this trip. I've driven all the way across the southern part of the United States, and I've taken months to do it.

However, I also had some commitments and desires that required me to be in certain places by certain times, and that meant driving right past a lot of things I might have stopped to look at, had I given myself completely over to the idea and practice of meandering. I will definitely give traveling another stab in the future and do it more randomly.

At any rate, my travels and my experiences along the way have brought my needs into better focus for me, and what I need to do now is to stop traveling and build my life in one place for a while.

I've been lonely on the road, and for a while I filled that loneliness in the wrong way, by being highly susceptible to sweet nothings and cowboy poetry from a guy who turned out to be wrong for me. I recently cut him out of my life, and things are calmer now. While it's tempting to blame him for my loneliness and the unhappiness that resulted from getting involved with a womanizing snake, another way of looking at this is that he was an angel who dropped into my life and left it at just the right times. His presence and then his absence brought my needs into focus. For whatever reason, his higher self allowed him to take that role in my life.

Contrary to my lifelong beliefs about myself, I am not happiest being a loner. I do need large amounts of time to myself, but I need significant contacts with other people as well. I also need some routines, commitments and practices that bring some stability to my life. The incessant dailiness of things like work, household chores, and committed relationships used to drive me pretty crazy, but lack of these things can drive me pretty crazy, too.

This brings me to the conclusion that it isn't the traveling or the staying put, the work or the leisure, the chores or the sloth, or the choice of being committed or going solo that require my attention right now. What I need to focus on are things inside me that need to be discovered and brought into the light. When I find these jewels that make up who I really am, I'll know exactly what to do.

I just got back from having coffee with a new friend that I met here in Georgia, a very evolved individual. I was telling him that I saw myself as having a mountain of personal work ahead of me. He said that having a mountain is an okay image, if you're a mountaineer who will enjoy the climb and the vistas. But I'm not. I'm a person who has driven a little 4-cylinder motorhome up some mountains very slowly, sometimes scared witless in blinding snow. Mountains aren't my favorite thing.

So my image today of the work ahead of me is the mosaic artwork that I look forward to taking up again once I settle in Truth or Consequences.

Mosaic involves many small, decisive steps. I break china and tiles. I pick out the best bits and dispose of the things that won't work. I carefully nip the pieces I keep into desired sizes and shapes.

Sometimes I go outside and find bits of nature that I can use, or I'll get shiny things from other artists to include in my own work. Occasionally I even make my own tiles from scratch, carefully forming them, firing them several times--a lot of effort for little tiles, but the result is something unique that will stand up to all kinds of stresses for a long time.

I look for a solid base to mosaic. A piece of furniture with "good bones," as they say in the antique biz. That means high quality wood and clean lines, a design that can be enhanced by the addition of the precious materials I've so carefully gathered and prepared.

Then it comes together. I stand up and survey the entire collection of items, and begin solidly gluing the tesserae into place. When the glue dries, I go back over everything with grout, and then clean away the excess. The result is a piece of artwork that is both beautiful and functional.

Usually the result is not what I had planned. I have an image in my head of what the final piece should look like, but while assembling it, I'm in a happy, meditative state, and then it turns out some other way. I often think that God is the one who actually decides what goes where in this process.

This is exactly what I need to do with my life. Break it apart, select the good, remove the bad, and bring it all solidly together, with God's help and direction, in a new way that will be beautiful, lasting and rewarding.

I've spent the last year-and-a-half leaving my old life--a long time marriage that should probably have lasted only a handful of years. For a year after separating, I tread water in Oregon. When the cold, wet grayness became more than I could take anymore, I went on the road. Now it's time to start building the life I'm meant to have, in the sunshine.

So I leave Monday. I haven't figured out my itinerary. I don't know if I'm going to take time to visit folks along the way or just hightail it to New Mexico. I don't know much of anything right now, but I know...I really do know...exactly what to do.